So I was reading one of my friends blogs [Vero] and she was talking about how she wants to change herself and things in her life. And the entire time that I am reading this I just see more and more how I know that I feel basically the same way.
It's not so much that I want to change something with me physically or even emotionally for that matter, I just wish that I could change my life.
Honestly I'm not happy with my life or most of the decisions that I have made throughout it, but I know that looking back and dwelling on these events will not make anything better. The thing is I don't really know what will make my life better. I am in school now, and that made me feel alittle better about my life, but I basically have nothing else. I wish that I was involved in some type of activities or groups. I want to be more active period. I want to work so that I can actually go out and do things and not have money be an issue. And I really wish that I still had my car so that I won't have to rely on anyone else or the bus to go to where I want to go. My life has been very difficult this past year but I know that it is all due to decisions that I have made in the past.
So making changes to my life shouldn't be as difficult as I think it is, but for me it is. I make everything difficult, which is why I will probably never be satisfied. I want to get past this phase of my life and just get to the good part where I have a career, a family, and own a house. But I know that I have a lot more hard times to go through before I even come close to that part of my life.
So I feel now that I had a little push[ Thanx Vero] to do better with my life. Just knowing that someone else is going through something similar and is getting through it makes me believe that I too can get through this and make things better. And just like she pushed me I hope that I can help to push someone else to do better.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
My day home from school
So I was supposed to go back to school today from spring break, but instead I decided to extend my break. I was kinda tired anyway because I was out all night. I basically slept all day, which was great, and I finally got to watch the Rachael Ray show. I miss that show so much, I used to watch it everyday. But anyway, she had Jimmy Fallon on the show today and I actually really enjoyed it. I never really got to see him being himself before and he has a really good personality and he's very funny obviously. So now I'm kinda falling in love with Jimmy Fallon. And another thing I learned is that he's married. I would of never thought that he was, but apparently he is in a very successful marriage. So I'm gonna attempt to start watching Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, if I'm up at that time, I really look forward to it. Well anyway I gotta go, Gossip Girl is coming on in a little while.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
On the Hunt 4 You
So I just realized how much the song Hunt for you by Tearirra Mari relates to the situation that I am in now. Its basically exactly how I am feeling about my certain someone.
Here's the lyrics:
Here's the lyrics:
[verse 1 ] I'm looking for you that sweet incredible you that unforgetable you The you that only I can know Tell me what i gotta do What walls i gotta break through That will bring me right back to you[oohhh] Cuz im searching boy...but i dont have a clue [*bridge*] Im not gon stop fighting im gon' keep searching I'll go to the end of the world if i have to I'm gon' keep trying as long as im hurting Tell me what i gotta do cuz boy im on the hunt for you [*chorus*] Where you at? Where you at? Where you at? Where you at? Where you at? cuz boy im on the hunt for you Where you at? Where you at? Where you at? Where you at? Where you at? [ verse 2 ] I'm looking for you That irreplaceable you That warm embraceable you[oohh] That walked right out that door What argument can i lose? What day can i play a fool? Tell me boy what i gotta do To figure out why you dont luv me no more [*bridge*] Im not gon stop fighting im gon' keep searching I'll go to the end of the world if i have to I'm gon' keep trying as long as im hurting Tell me what i gotta do cuz boy im on the hunt for you [*chorus*] Where you at? Where you at? Where you at? Where you at? Where you at? cuz boy im on the hunt for you Where you at? Where you at? Where you at? Where you at? Where you at? [ Pleasure P. ] She said i've been missing for a minute I aint been no where I'm in this mudafuqa...till we finish And we go back and forth with cursing words like its Tina's Cuz im a green thing I'll be out here chasing spinach And she said I dont want your cars I'd rather have your heart Yeah you call me you wifey Baby let me play the part She hates when were apart She calls me up whenever i leave She's looking out for me[heyyy.....yeahhh] [*bridge*] Im not gon stop fighting im gon' keep searching I'll go to the end of the world if i have to I'm gon' keep trying as long as im hurting cuz boy im on the hunt for you [*chorus*] Where you at? Where you at? Where you at? Where you at? Where you at? cuz boy im on the hunt for you Where you at? Where you at? Where you at? Where you at? Where you at? ----- I'm not go' stop fighting I'm gon' keep searching I'm gon' keep trying as long as im hurting Cuz boy im on the hunt for you Where you at? Where you at? Where you at? Where you at? Where you at? Cuz boy im on the hunt for you Where you at? Where you at? Where you at? Where you at Where you at?
A waste of a day....
So I'm sure almost everyone has heard of what happened at the NYC audition for America's Next Top Model, if you haven't here's what went down:
There were reportedly around 10,000 girls there for the audition, which was the first for girls 5'7'' and under. The audition was held at the Park Central Hotel on 7th Ave. and W. 55th St. Around 5:00 p.m. in the middle of W. 55th St. a black car drove by and then everyone heard a loud boom. Soon after the car started to smoke and everyone frantically ran in different directions trying to get away from the car. Due to the large amount of people present a few people were ran over and were hurt. Soon fights started to erupt and basically all hell broke loose. The police were seen escorting numerous people away from the scene and putting some others in handcuffs due to their part in inciting the riot. Supposedly someone yelled fire and that a man had a gun causing even more chaos than necessary. After all this chaos ended the police then shut down the audition and forced the thousands of girls waiting in line for countless hours to go home. Many people were upset and some girls even broke down and cried right then and there.
Here's my story:
I arrived at the audition at 10:11 a.m. and there was already thousands of girls there. In the beginning I remained optimistic though because this was exactly what I expected. So I calmly stayed in line hoping that the wait wouldn't be too long and that it would be worth it. The first few hours in line were ok, it wasn't too cold outside and there were plenty of people around to talk to and get to know. After awhile I did have to use the bathroom though, so I decided to leave my spot in line (my sister stayed there for me). I quickly ran down the block to the nearest restaurant. Unfortunately they wouldn't let me use their bathroom because I wasn't a customer, I hate when stores do that. How hard is it to just let someone use the bathroom really quick? Then they directed me to another restaurant across the street and I ran over there to find that they had a sign up saying restroom for customers only. I was about to go crazy at this point. So once again I ran across the street to Ray's Pizza, who graciously let me use their restroom. Unfortunately, there was a line. But lucky for me the young lady in front of the line let me go in front of her because I was jumping around like a fool and she could clearly see how bad I had to go. After all this I returned to the line to wait for another few hours. As soon as the part of the line that I was in hit W. 55th St. all the chaos begin. At first all I heard was a loud noise and then a bunch of girls started to run backwards, which led to everyone being squished to the side of the building. Then I saw the smoke coming up, at first I thought that a pipe may have busted underground and I thought that there was going to be a scene like before when something similar happen in NY. So I was really scared at first. Then I saw that it was a car so I calmed down a little. Some time after that I saw cops escorting people down the block and then they started to take down the barriers that held the line together and just told everyone that it was over and to just go home. My body was so hurt from standing there for like 6 hours that I couldn't even react to the situation if I wanted to. So I just called my sister and told her I was ready to go. Walking away from the scene the only thing I felt was the pain in my legs and back, unfortunately for other girls they felt the pain more in their heart.
Lately I've been used to having bad luck , so I wasn't so surprised when all this happened and I didn't breakdown crying like most girls because I am almost immune to situations like this. Now I just look at the whole day as a waste of my time and body. My right leg still hurts from standing up that long. But its not a situation that I would dwell over, it was a new experience that I would probably never do again.
There were reportedly around 10,000 girls there for the audition, which was the first for girls 5'7'' and under. The audition was held at the Park Central Hotel on 7th Ave. and W. 55th St. Around 5:00 p.m. in the middle of W. 55th St. a black car drove by and then everyone heard a loud boom. Soon after the car started to smoke and everyone frantically ran in different directions trying to get away from the car. Due to the large amount of people present a few people were ran over and were hurt. Soon fights started to erupt and basically all hell broke loose. The police were seen escorting numerous people away from the scene and putting some others in handcuffs due to their part in inciting the riot. Supposedly someone yelled fire and that a man had a gun causing even more chaos than necessary. After all this chaos ended the police then shut down the audition and forced the thousands of girls waiting in line for countless hours to go home. Many people were upset and some girls even broke down and cried right then and there.
Here's my story:
I arrived at the audition at 10:11 a.m. and there was already thousands of girls there. In the beginning I remained optimistic though because this was exactly what I expected. So I calmly stayed in line hoping that the wait wouldn't be too long and that it would be worth it. The first few hours in line were ok, it wasn't too cold outside and there were plenty of people around to talk to and get to know. After awhile I did have to use the bathroom though, so I decided to leave my spot in line (my sister stayed there for me). I quickly ran down the block to the nearest restaurant. Unfortunately they wouldn't let me use their bathroom because I wasn't a customer, I hate when stores do that. How hard is it to just let someone use the bathroom really quick? Then they directed me to another restaurant across the street and I ran over there to find that they had a sign up saying restroom for customers only. I was about to go crazy at this point. So once again I ran across the street to Ray's Pizza, who graciously let me use their restroom. Unfortunately, there was a line. But lucky for me the young lady in front of the line let me go in front of her because I was jumping around like a fool and she could clearly see how bad I had to go. After all this I returned to the line to wait for another few hours. As soon as the part of the line that I was in hit W. 55th St. all the chaos begin. At first all I heard was a loud noise and then a bunch of girls started to run backwards, which led to everyone being squished to the side of the building. Then I saw the smoke coming up, at first I thought that a pipe may have busted underground and I thought that there was going to be a scene like before when something similar happen in NY. So I was really scared at first. Then I saw that it was a car so I calmed down a little. Some time after that I saw cops escorting people down the block and then they started to take down the barriers that held the line together and just told everyone that it was over and to just go home. My body was so hurt from standing there for like 6 hours that I couldn't even react to the situation if I wanted to. So I just called my sister and told her I was ready to go. Walking away from the scene the only thing I felt was the pain in my legs and back, unfortunately for other girls they felt the pain more in their heart.
Lately I've been used to having bad luck , so I wasn't so surprised when all this happened and I didn't breakdown crying like most girls because I am almost immune to situations like this. Now I just look at the whole day as a waste of my time and body. My right leg still hurts from standing up that long. But its not a situation that I would dwell over, it was a new experience that I would probably never do again.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
One Heart 2 totally different minds
Why does love have to be so complicated? I think people make it that way because they are afraid of what might happen if everything actually went right. I want a simple love. One where there aren't any unnecessary fights or disagreements. I just want someone who wants to talk to me everyday just to see how I'm doing or how my day is going or someone that misses me as much as I miss them. Someone who is sure about their feelings for me and isn't afraid or ashamed to say I love you. I just want to hear those 3 words again....from him.
But things get too complicated when love is involved. People change, feelings get hurt, and someone always ends up being the one still in love after the other person is clearly gone.
I don't really know what goes on in your head but I know what goes on in your heart. I know that you love me but your brain doesn't allow you to go too deep with it anymore because of things that have happened in the past. And as many times as we have tried to pretend that the past doesn't matter, it really does. But you said it best, " You're stuck in the past, I'm stuck in the future, and we are both forgetting about the present." I completely agree with it, but there has to be some way that we can meet each other half way.
Because of our past we will never be just friends, its too many emotions involved for that. So no matter where our relationship goes I know that our hearts will be in it. I'm in love and I'm not ashamed to say it, I just hope that you get to that point one day.
But things get too complicated when love is involved. People change, feelings get hurt, and someone always ends up being the one still in love after the other person is clearly gone.
I don't really know what goes on in your head but I know what goes on in your heart. I know that you love me but your brain doesn't allow you to go too deep with it anymore because of things that have happened in the past. And as many times as we have tried to pretend that the past doesn't matter, it really does. But you said it best, " You're stuck in the past, I'm stuck in the future, and we are both forgetting about the present." I completely agree with it, but there has to be some way that we can meet each other half way.
Because of our past we will never be just friends, its too many emotions involved for that. So no matter where our relationship goes I know that our hearts will be in it. I'm in love and I'm not ashamed to say it, I just hope that you get to that point one day.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
And the war begins
So I officially hate English courses. I wasn't so fond of them in the beginning, but this semester really took me over the edge. I realized that I hate writing, not completely, just on an academic level. And my professor is horrible. She assigned us a research paper about 2-3 weeks ago. She gave us some topics that we could choose from, but she also gave the option to choose our own topic as long as she approves it. So my first topic was going to be on the ethics of animal testing. But being the a-hole that my teacher is she decided to reject it because apparently she has a soft spot for animals and doesn't want to read anything that would make her cringe or feel bad for them. And at first I was ok with it because there was also two other people in the class to change their topic because it had to do with some type of animal cruelty. So then I decided to do my paper on the love life of Zeus in mythology and how it affected his role as a god. Firstly, I didn't get my topic approved by her immediately, which was my fault. So I just began writing on it and by the time it was time to hand a draft in she read my paper but told me that I couldn't do a topic that she didn't approve. She also said that she doesn't think that I can go anywhere with this topic. By this time I am pissed. But instead I tried to play nice and just change my topic again. She went over a list of approved topics and all of them were extremely boring. So I eventually chose a topic that she approved of, but then she told me that I couldn't write on that topic because someone in another class was doing it. I don't really see why that matters, we are in two different classes. By this time I just wanted to get out of this class asap, I don't want to deal with this woman for the rest of the semester. So now I chose another topic from her list that she better approve of. Tomorrow for class we are suppose to have our first two points of the paper drafted already, but I technically still don't have a topic. If she doesn't excuse me for the assignment I think I'm going to go off on her. I am so done with English course, English professors, and writing papers after this class. I HATE ENGLISH!!!!
I'm New to this
I kno I might be posting a lot right now, but there has been alot on my mind, alot of stuff will just be really random. So just take the time to read and trust me you will learn a lot about me that you never knew b4.
All Eyes on me in the Center of the Ring
My new obsession is Ms. Britney Spears. Never would of thought that I would like her music as much as I do now, but I jam to it like everyday. My theme song for right now is Circus. Love the lyrics and the beat.
My fav song is radar tho. That song made me like her so much more than i already do. It was my ringtone for a long time. I also saw the documentry mtv did with her and it made me understand her life alot more. And man, life sure is hard for this girl. Its crazy, the things that she has to go through on a daily basis.
But anyway back to the music. I always liked Britney but not to the point that I would go out and buy her album. I would totally buy her album now and even attempt to attend a Britney concert one day. She makes great music to dance to. So my advice for today is before you decide that you don't like an artist make sure really listen to their music and analyze their lyrics too. You may find out that you like artist that you didn't like before.
The Voyager- my real love
Just wanted to mention that I love my Voyager. It's the best phone in the world and I don't care what anyone else has to say. This phone literally does everything and I am more than impressed by it. Although I would love to have an Omnia, but I am happy with my Voyager.
It's a great investment; you get a full qwerty keyboard(possible the best feature, i love it anyway and i would never go back to a phone that doesn't have it), Internet access, email, mobile tv, vcast videos, music, the vnavigator which is better than some top brand navi systems(TomTom) lol, Alicia knows what I'm talking about, i have unlimited texting which is a must for me, the touch screen is great and the camera works excellent, the only thing is that it doesn't have flash which can be a problem at times, this phone is beyond great. i would recommend it to anyone.
And if you do have a voyager try visiting lg-voyager.com, great site with lots of info and make sure to get your software updated to the v11, some minor changes but it make a big difference to a true voyager lover.
90210
So, I am super excited about the new episodes of 90210 on March 31. The thing I am looking forward to most is what happens in the relationships of our favorite West Bev students. Mostly Dixon and Silver. I mean they just got back together and already in the previews we see them having a major problem. By the way am I the only one absolutely smitten with Dixon? I think not. Tristan Wilds is so sexy lol, love his smile.
Anyway, I wanted to talk about whats going on with Annie and Ethan. Totally hate the way the show is going with this couple. They turned Annie into a complaining little brat that has no idea that her boyfriend is growing away from her. That sucks. And Ethan with his whole I'm a new man attitude doesn't seem to care about his relationship Annie anymore. The whole Rhonda thing just made me upset. I hope something bad happens to her in the new episodes and Annie and Ethan are happy together again.
Adrianna, our new star of the show has grown so much throughout the show already. I'm starting to like her more and more. I just hope that her and that baby turn out ok.
Well that's it for now, well all that's worth talking about anyway.
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